


Professionalism in the Workplace

by Fifthnameattempt



Category: Naruto
Genre: BOOOOOOOOONE!?, Headmaster Umino Iruka, I am your TEACHER and a RESPECTED member of the administration!!!, It's just that subplot from B99, M/M, Oblivious Uzumaki Naruto, Overworked Sakura, Rokudaime Hatake Kakashi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 14:56:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28637358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fifthnameattempt/pseuds/Fifthnameattempt
Summary: Naruto is worried. Sakura is tired. She means to be reassuring, but what she says is:“The argument doesn’t matter. They just need to bone.”
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Uzumaki Naruto, Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Comments: 11
Kudos: 180





	Professionalism in the Workplace

**Author's Note:**

> Shout out to Brooklyn 99 for being one of the funniest shows of all time. Please enjoy this Naruto transposition.

“It was totally crazy, I’ve never heard them fight like that! I think we need to do something!”

“They’re fine, Naruto.” Sakura is tired. She’d thought pulling back on field missions to focus on her work at the hospital would help her finally figure out some semblance of balance in her life, but so far all she’d managed to do is find more work that needed doing at the hospital. Naruto is walking her home after a twenty-hour shift and she’s been letting him ramble for longer than she normally would just to save the energy it would take to talk. But, really, the shouting is getting ridiculous. She sighs listlessly around a sip of decaf coffee. “It isn’t a big deal.”

“You didn’t _hear them_ , Sakura!” He replies, hands franticly moving through the air to emphasize the bigness of the problem. “Iruka and Kakashi hardly ever fight and definitely not in public. I’m for real worried.”

Sakura had, in fact, heard them. Most of the village heard them as their argument had carried on throughout the day in various locations and in front of several groups of people. But there’s something sweet in the depths of Naruto’s concern that makes Sakura’s heart go out to him. Her parents had argued all the time when she grew up, but they had always made up, usually sooner than later. Naruto didn’t have that kind of precedent to fall back on. So, she tries to reassure him.

Unfortunately, her brain is mostly soup at the moment, so what comes out is just, “The argument doesn’t matter. They just need to bone.”

Sakura winces as Naruto comes to a staggering stop, practically vibrating with shock and outrage. His face is so red, she thinks it might become a permanent condition, and when he opens his mouth, she takes an instinctive step back, anticipating the wave of shouting that’s about to come.

“Ew, Sakura! You can’t say that stuff! Those are our _DADS!”_

Several people on the street look over and Naruto catches his error only a moment too late. Clamping his hand over his mouth, he looks like he’s on the verge of passing out. Generosity fleeing her, Sakura just giggles ruthlessly.

“Seriously, Naruto?” She laughs, unsurprised but amazed anyway. “Our dads!?”

“I meant our _senseis_!” He’s quick to correct, but his face retains a pink hue even after they continue walking down the road. “And I mean it! This is a bad fight, and we need to help.”

“It’s just the mission desk roster.” Sakura tries for a reassuring again but can’t help smiling. “Kakashi knows Iruka knows best when it comes to administrative stuff. They’re only arguing about it because have demanding, new promotions and much busier schedules than they’re used to and probably haven’t had a lot of alone time lately. Arguing gives them an excuse to see more of each other until they can get some actual quality time.”

“I don’t like it.” Naruto scowls, hands shoved deep into his pockets. “I’m going to do something to prove absolutely that Iruka is right and then Kakashi will apologize and everything will go back to normal. You can help me or not –“

“Not.”

“Or _not_ , but you can’t stop me, believe it!”

“I won’t.” Sakura promises just as they reach her door. “But I’m also right, so it will be a wasted effort. Have a good day, Naruto.”

“Have a good night, Sakura.” Naruto offers her one of his toothy, sunny grins to let her know he’s not going to hold her non-investment against her and then takes off for the roof with a single bound. “Take a day off sometime so we can actually hang out!”

“I’ll try!” She calls up to his disappearing form. She takes a moment to shake her head at her rambunctious teammate, wondering if he’ll ever really grow up and secretly hoping he doesn’t. Then she shuts her door, locks it, and collapses into a strategically placed pile of blankets on the couch.

Realizing she’s falling asleep before she’s even reached the cushions, her last thought before darkness is _Maybe I do need a day off…_

* * *

“Fold.”

“Raise.”’

“Call.”

Sakura places her hand down on the table and Naruto just sighs, putting his head down on the table with a low mutter. Sai’s neutral expression turns down into a frown so minute it’s almost unnoticeable. A sign of deep distress and confusion.

“How?” He asks flatly, staring at his own hand – three Jacks, a seven, and a four – and then at hers in dismay. “I was sure you were bluffing.”

Sakura taps her cards – a flush of hearts – and speaks with hard-earned haughtiness. “There’s only one way to survive an apprenticeship with Lady Tsunade.” She tells him, and he leans in like she’s going to tell him a secret. “Wait for her to get drunk and then gamble for days off. With stakes that high, you learn to win at all costs.”

Sai leans back with a frown. Clearly, he wanted to learn how to fake or hide a tell, but Sakura knew he’d learn best through experience and she’s about to suggest another round when the door to the mission room opens. Iruka walks through, takes in the row of chunin desk workers, and scowls powerfully enough to send a few of the newer genin teams running. The clipboard clenched in his hands gives an unearthly creak and he opens his mouth to suck in a great gulp of air and then…

“Iruka-sensei!” Naruto pops up from his seat and bounds over to his beloved former teacher, smiling his most innocent-little-stinker smile. Iruka is startled enough by the interruption that he can’t help but give the young man his full attention. “I was looking over Kakashi-sensei’s proposed changes and interviewing some of the regular desk works and I think you’re going to be interested in what I found-“

Sakura gives Sai a look that says _Oh, is that why we’re here_?

Sai offers her a shrug in response that might be either _I told him not to_ or _I don’t understand what your look means_. She decides that either answer is fine and leans back to watch the proceedings. It’s been nearly a full day since they’d last discussed things and Sakura had spent most of that time asleep.

If she wasn’t still partially glazed over from exhaustion, she probably would have put two and two together when Naruto invited them to meet him in the mission room. Instead, she’d just gone along with it. Plenty of shinobi hung out there to greet friends returning home or get first dibs on new missions. Just because Team Seven was usually requested instead of randomly assigned, doesn’t mean it would hurt to get some mission room gossip.

But clearly, Naruto still had a bug up his ass about his sensei’s lovers’ quarrel. And at this point, it was too late to stop him. So, Sakura could at least enjoy the dressing down he was surely about to receive.

“Naruto,” Iruka says, his voice the low warning he uses when no little stinkers are going to be spared that day, “I appreciate that you’re getting serious about learning the ropes in administration, but now is _not_ the time and this is _not_ this issue.”

“But it’s so important to you both and I wanted to help!”

“I understand, but this really isn’t your concern and I’d appreciate it if you let me and Kakashi handle this ourselves.”

“See? I told you, Naruto,” Sakura doesn’t realize she’s decided to speak until her mouth is moving and sound is coming out. “This is personal.”

“Exaclty, Sakura is – wait, what do you mean it’s personal?” Iruka’s eyes flick between Sakura’s dazed and exhausted expression and Naruto’s earnest pleading.

Sakura rolls her shoulders in a shrug, feeling a second wave of exhaustion rolling over her unexpectedly. There’s a chance she went overboard with the chakra use on her last shift, because the next words leave her mouth with uncharacteristic ease. “I mean, it’s obvious, right? You two just need to bone.”

Naruto gives a scandalized, pained yelp. The bustling room, half full of revolving field shinobi and also, coincidentally, all of the shinobi with whom Iruka works regularly inside the village, goes absolutely still. Sakura realizes what she just said. She looks to Sai for _something –_ he is the one who usually puts his foot in his mouth in public, after all, he must know how to handle this – but he just gives her the tiniest, smuggest smile she’s ever seen.

The bastard.

From his place near the door, Iruka stares at her in shock. His face turns faintly pink. Then red. Then a shade of burgundy that says his blood pressure is spiking dangerously. His voice is uncharacteristically controlled when he grinds out the words, “What did you just say, Sakura?”

“I said,” Sakura swallows and realizes it’s time for a gamble. If she walks it back now, Naruto will definitely keep up his nonsense and make it even harder for Kakashi and Iruka to meet up in peace. But if she doubles down…

It’s a risk, but in a clear voice, she clarifies, “The argument about the desk rotation is stupid. You and Kakashi are just fighting because you haven’t had sex in a while. Instead of arguing, you could just bone and get it out of your systems.”

* * *

The rant that follows will rival anything Naruto ever earned during his Academy days in both volume and length. Its status will be nothing short of legendary and those who witness it will recall the day with equal measures of fondness and fear. Also, as Kotetsu will recount to Izumo later that evening, “I actually don’t think _bone_ even sounds like a word anymore.”

* * *

“I am _not_ giving up on this, it’s too important!”

Sakura sighs. After her slip up, she’d managed to get twenty-four consecutive hours off from the hospital and she can’t believe she is going to have to rehash this conversation with Naruto _again_ while in full possession of her faculties.

“Please tell me you’re going to stop talking about this by the time we get to Ichiraku.” She pleads, “Ino’s gonna be there and I haven’t seen her in _ages;_ I don’t want to talk about your dads the whole time.”

The request is a bit unfair since they’re actually already at Ichiraku, but Sakura really can’t go over this again. Naruto is frowning back at her as he reaches up to push aside the curtain and step inside the stand.

“They’re _not_ my – _oof!_ ” Blond and brunette collide as Iruka steps out of the small building at the same time Naruto steps in. Sakura delicately side steps Naruto’s flailing and a familiar, letting him just barely stop himself from falling over. A gloved hand snakes around Iruka’s waist to keep him from tumbling backward. “Oh, hey, sensei! And, uh, sensei?”

“Hey, Naruto!” Iruka smiles at him and starts to slow down to talk, but Kakashi keeps ushering him out towards the street with the arm still around his body.

“Hello, Naruto.” Kakashi responds with a distracted drawl. “Lovely to see you, Sakura. Well, you don’t want to keep your friends waiting so we’ll just be-”

“Actually, I was looking for both of you!” Naruto says too quickly with too much volume. Sakura resists the temptation to bury her head in her palm. It wouldn’t do to see Ino for the first time in weeks with a huge, red splotch on her face. “I wanted to talk about the mission desk rotation! I was thinking you could-”

“Mah, Naruto, are you still on about that?” Kakashi interrupts, hovering over Iruka’s shoulder, well into his personal space despite now being firmly in the middle of the street. “Obviously, Iruka was right about everything and we’ve gone back to his schedule.”

“Huh? Really?” The poor boy _really_ should listen to his teammates more often. His genuine confusion would be sweet of someone so naïve didn’t also hope to hold office one day. “But I thought the changes you wanted were really important.”

“It’s not, _not_ important.” Iruka swallows, face dusted with a blush. It’s unclear why until Sakura realizes Kakashi’s is running the fingers of the hand hidden behind Iruka’s body under the hem of the younger man’s flak vest. She rolls her eyes at the display and Kakashi gives her an unapologetic eye-smile. “We just, uh, had some other things to discuss that took precedent.”

“Like wha- oh. _Oh_. Oh _no._ ” Now Naruto _and_ Iruka are red faced. “Sakura was _right_.”

“No!” Iruka shouts, much too quickly.

“About what?” Kakashi asks at the same time, resting his chin on Iruka’s broad shoulder and smiling so widely under the mask it was clear he knew exactly _what_.

“You guys are _gross_.” Naruto pouts, “That’s totally unprofessional, getting your personal stuff all mixed up with work stuff.”

“Someday, Naruto, you will be Hokage, and then you’ll realize that if you can’t make the personal professional, there will be no personal at all.” Kakashi says, dispensing easy wisdom like a cookie maker dispenses fortunes. Iruka looks like he’s about to interject with something, but Kakashi – clearly ready to move on – twines their hands together and flashes through the hand signs for a body flicker. “As always, it’s been a delight. Enjoy your meal!”

And they disappear in a rush of smoke and leaves. But not before Sakura gets a brief, scarring glimpse off her genin sensei biting down on her academy sensei’s right earlobe. She groans. That is _not_ an image she needed in her head. And Naruto’s enraged squeak suggests he feels much the same.

Still, she can’t help the urge to tease him just a little.

“Hey, Naruto.” She says with a grin. Stepping close behind him before he can dart off after his teachers and continue lecturing them, she quietly adds, “Your dads are having _sex_.”

“ _EW, SAKURA! DON’T SAY STUFF LIKE THAT!”_

She dodges his distraught flail with ease, laughing her way into the ramen bar. _Yeah,_ she thinks cheerfully, _Naruto should never change._


End file.
